Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
