He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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