It's like God shit irony all over that family
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
