Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
