can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
