I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
