Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
