Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
