last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
