Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
