Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
