I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
