i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
