dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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