You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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