He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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