You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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