U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
