My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
