those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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