Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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