Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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