her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
