do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
