I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
