We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
