I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
