she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
