so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
