I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If that was your dad, he is hot
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
