I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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