she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
