My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
do herpes really smell.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
