why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
