just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's shark week go big or go home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
