Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
