whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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