Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
