She is in my trunk
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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