K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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