Can Purell be used as lube?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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