I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
