So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
