I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
