my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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