Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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