I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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