so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
