Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
