Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
