We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
